The Home ‘Maid’ Issue

The Home ‘Maid’ Issue

A typical day in the house of working parents with a child: the mother is juggling between work and housekeeping. The father is juggling between work and running house related errands. The child is juggling between governess, or maybe the grandparents and relatives. As the family struggles to either make ends meet, or to maintain their living standards, or the noveau riche budding ‘socialites’, dining out at places their pockets cannot afford, attending charity balls to be with the ‘in’ crowd: all this at a high cost, with their child under the care of a stranger.

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Raising a child, like keeping a home, is a round-the-clock job and just like any living being, the complete and absolute responsibility belong to the parents, not the governess, commonly referred in this country to as a ‘maid’, ayah, nanny, babysitter.

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It is far too complex to even define and justify reasons for the ‘need’ for keeping a third person to look after one’s child. It is a question of who the person is, and how the caregiver is managing childcare, whether it is at home, or at a childcare centre. Regardless, compromises are made, so much so that even the becomes attached, preferring to stay with their governess when the parents return home. A stay-at-home mother angrily expressed: “Why do ‘they’ bring the child to this world if they do not have the means nor, most importantly, time to raise them?” Can we blame them? Everyone needs a break ever so often, so that may be understandable.

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Whether it is societal pressure, or the desire to follow the biological cycle, once a child enters this world, there is no going back. Whatever happens, it is the sole responsibility of the parents to raise him/her with civility, not the governess’s. This is what makes the human species different from the rest of the animal kingdom: you do not raise in quantity, you raise with quality.

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THE REPERCUSSIONS

One mother recollects, when she had twins and took one of them with her to run an errand, leaving the other twin under her ‘busy’ mom-in-law’s care, along with the governess. On returning home she heard her other twin child bawling and rushing in, saw the child’s hand appear to be a huge bubble – he had received second degree burns. In a faze, listening to the mother-in-law chatting with someone on the phone, the mother saw the child had been left alone with their governess. At the time, the child was suffering from bronchitis, and the governess, rather than following instructions to humidify the room, decided it would be better to directly let the child inhale the steam. The situation, the upset mother learnt, was aggravated when the governess decided on a home remedy for the burn, which was to pop the burn blister, to avoid getting caught. Rushing the child to the nearest hospital, the mother promised herself to not ever allow the twins out of her sight and quit her job. The price was, she had to struggle financially for the next few years, as her spouse was not able to earn enough for the family.  

The alternatives?

The purpose is not to take the parents on a guilt trip, because there is no ideal way to raise a child.

The parents could start with being aware of what the child does during their absence. Issues, when left with a governess, may include child negligence, abuse (sexual and/or physical), lack of social values and etiquette, display of behaviuoral problems, just to name a few and most crucial is the disconnect between parents and the child.  

Go back to about four decades, where majority South Asian women were stay-at-home mothers, living with extended families, where they distributed house chores, including tending to the children. There were disadvantages then, as the mother was less empowered in making financial and household decisions; there are disadvantages today, with nuclear households relying on paid help.

Now parents are focused on climbing the career or social ladder, ignoring or unaware of the warning signs, until too late. Solution? Install a camera app on the phone. That does not replace the human contact, but monitoring is essential for parents to observe what is happening in their absence. On the other hand, the child learns independence, is self-reliant and if fortunate, better looked after when parents are unstable financially, mentally, or suffer a strained relationship. Every child has a right to love care and stability, and if parents cannot provide it, then be it the social services or the caregiver.

At the initial stages, child raising requires physical work, feeding, cleaning, etcetera. However, the responsibility does not end, even when the child has grown and settled. The parents must remain mindful always of them, visit to see how they are managing in the fast-paced era of quick fix meals, a competitive work environment and lack of time. They always need moral support. To give the child quality time and care for as long as the parents are alive, then only, have they done the best priceless job in this world.